Thursday, July 22, 2010
Prayers please
Yesterday I went in for a routine ultrasound just to see how things where going in my prenancy since I lost my baby this January. The second the ultra sound began I knew something wasn't right. As I watched the ultra sound tech slowly turn the screen away from my view I knew as a big tear rolled down my cheek. I was trying to think positive but I knew at that moment their was no heart beat. On July 21st Derek and I lost our 2nd baby in 7 months I couldn't believe it. My 1st feeling was anger which I am still feeling. I am so mad!!!! I am surronded by people I love right now who are pregnant and have already got atleast 1 chance to be a mother. So why is god giving them multiple chances when he wont even give me 1. Ever since I was a little child I have believed my only purpose here on this earth is to be a mother and I have had that taken from me twice in a short time. I am also feeling emotional pain deeper then I ever thought possible, I have shed more tears then I thought was humanly possible, I am so sad my body physically hurts, and I hurt so bad I wonder how I am going to make it through the next hour. I also have a lot of physical pain going on as I will have a DNC on monday where they will help me give birth to my baby. Derek and I need lots of prayers right now. And I hope soon god can help me understand why at the age of 23 he has gave me more trials then most people ever have to endure in a life time. What is the purpose in all this and why is life just so easy for so many others?
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Ambree,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
I know where you are coming from. I had 3 miscarriages in about 1 years time, and that was after 3 years of trying. I finally got my sweet baby and I know you will too.
I know how hard it is to understand why, I asked those questions every day. It is so hard to look around you and see everyone with babies or having babies, but know that your chance will come. These trials will make you even stronger than you already are and will make you a better mother (if that is possible :) ).
You have brought so much joy to so many children's lives and the world owes you a big thank you.
I will keep you in my prayers, and I know that you will be a mother and a beautiful, caring, perfect mother.
Love,
Mindi
Ambree,
ReplyDeleteI'm one of your sister Deja's friends from high school. I just wanted to say how horribly sorry I am for what you are going through. I lost my first baby similar to you, no heartbeat and had to have a d&c. I do have a two year old boy... then I was going to have a second boy and I lost him when I was 21 weeks and my water broke after lots of other complications. I had to give birth to him knowing that he would die as soon as he was born and that was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I'm so sorry that you are enduring this heartache right now. I know that it doesn't make sense, why you have to struggle with this when others are able to have kids and they seem to have such an easy time getting their kids here. I too am no stranger to trial and hardship... 2 1/2 months after losing my son I found out I had cancer and have had to go through chemo and will now have to wait quite a while to even try to have kids again... but I have a whole lot of hope that someday, somehow, it will all workout. It will. I really believe that.
Feel bad for as long as you have to. You have lost two babies that were very dear to you! Everything changes when you find out you are pregnant. You start planning out your new future with this new little one at the center and then suddenly it's all gone. One thing that I can promise you is that your joy will be so amazing when you are able to have a baby. It will be the most amazing thing in the world. As awful as you feel now, your joy with be so sweet. I have felt that with my son. Hang in there. Don't try to hide these feelings that you have because it's important to go through all of this sadness in order to get over it. But there will be light again, I promise you that. If you ever want to talk I'm here, sometimes I've found it's nice to talk to people who don't really know you, just know your grief. I've found that super helpful to me. Hang in there...
Meg
megsnest.blogspot.com