1 year

One year ago today I was standing up in the mountains giving this wonderful man my heart for the rest of my life. It was the best decision I have ever have / will make in my time here on this earth. Lets just say I am one lucky chick.

Dear Derek,

Our 1st year together has been a rough one with loosing our 2 beautiful baby's. If I could go back in time I wouldn't change a thing for they have made me love you more then I thought the human heart could love. I still get the butterfly's in my belly when you do the little things like tell me how beautiful I look, walk up to me to give me a hug for no particular reason, randomly write me a text telling me how much you love and care about me, and roll over in bed to give me a big hug and tell me goodnight. I cherish the little things you do. Every time you give me a hug or a kiss it feels as good as it did the 1st time. I never want that to go away. You have been my best friend and I can't wait to see what another year brings us. I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

your wife

Prayers please

Yesterday I went in for a routine ultrasound just to see how things where going in my prenancy since I lost my baby this January. The second the ultra sound began I knew something wasn't right. As I watched the ultra sound tech slowly turn the screen away from my view I knew as a big tear rolled down my cheek. I was trying to think positive but I knew at that moment their was no heart beat. On July 21st Derek and I lost our 2nd baby in 7 months I couldn't believe it. My 1st feeling was anger which I am still feeling. I am so mad!!!! I am surronded by people I love right now who are pregnant and have already got atleast 1 chance to be a mother. So why is god giving them multiple chances when he wont even give me 1. Ever since I was a little child I have believed my only purpose here on this earth is to be a mother and I have had that taken from me twice in a short time. I am also feeling emotional pain deeper then I ever thought possible, I have shed more tears then I thought was humanly possible, I am so sad my body physically hurts, and I hurt so bad I wonder how I am going to make it through the next hour. I also have a lot of physical pain going on as I will have a DNC on monday where they will help me give birth to my baby. Derek and I need lots of prayers right now. And I hope soon god can help me understand why at the age of 23 he has gave me more trials then most people ever have to endure in a life time. What is the purpose in all this and why is life just so easy for so many others?

A letter to the baby we never got to meet

To our 2nd unborn baby,
Yesterday daddy and I found out we would not get the chance to meet you here on this earth. We are so very sad, angrey, mad, and just don't understand the simple little question WHY WHY WHY? Even though we never got the chance to meet you, you taught daddy and I to love eachother deeper then we ever thought possible. We love you our dear sweet baby and can't wait until the day we get to meet you in heaven. Please help daddy and I stay strong!
Love, your mommy and daddy forever.

3 wonderful women

Just wanted to let everyone know how lucky I am to have these 3 beautiful women in my life (Sorry Hope your just a little girl).

My Mom- Has been my best friend ever since I was a little girl. We have always been so much alike. Sometimes people may not think thats a good thing but we do! My mom has been through a lot in her life but always seems to keep this positive attitude, She is always here for me not just through the good but through the bad to, and most important she has taught me the love for children I have today. Lets just say she's awesome and I am so lucky to call her mom or mommy as I say when I want something or I am really sick.

My Sister-Is just awesome! She has always been their for me even if she is across the country, loves to tease me for my bad spelling and speech errors, Shows me everything I need to know to be a better person, loves to call me fattee, and the #1 thing I love most about her is how much she is like my daddy it's like I still have a piece of him here. I always tease her about being the favorite daughter but she deserves this title because she has accomplished more already in her life then I will ever in a life time.

My 2nd Mom- I call her this because most people don't love their mother-in-laws as much as I do. This lady means so much to me! She has always wanted a daughter so lets just say since I have been in the picture I get a little spoiled. Charlotte always has the best food for us at sunday dinners, She is not hard to carry a conversation with, she is always in a good mood, and most important has the most caring heart I have ever seen in a women. I am honored to now call this wonderful lady my 2nd Mom.

Girl Crazy

A few weekends ago I had a big sleepover with the girls I teach solo's to in dance. These Girls all mean so much to me and have all became like my little sisters. After 5 weekends of competition I decided to have a big sleepover for them at my house. 14 girls what was I thinking? The girls ended up having a blast the night included pizza, volleyball, the park, lots of candy, make overs, movies and lots of giggles. All the smiles I saw made the whole thing worth it! But I don't think my neighborhood knew what hit it. What I great group of girls who aren't just great dancers but beautiful girls from the inside out.

8 Weeks

I really want to document my pregnancy on here so here is how the first 8 weeks have gone:

throw up

eat

lay down on the coach

throw up

eat

lay down on the coach

throw up

eat

lay down on the coach

And lots of smiles

Well i am sure you get the point! I have been soooooooo sick. It's not just in the morning either it is all day long. But I will tell you what I have never been so happy to be so sick.

Other things:

Going to the bathroom at least twice an hour so that equals 48 times a day

Foods I used to like don't taste good anymore, foods I didn't like taste so good

No energy- Nap time is my new favorite part of the day

I am so lucky to be a school teacher so I have this time off for the summer to just stay home and be sick. It turned out to be perfect timing.

Besides all the sickness Derek and I are on top of the world...!!!

We are........

Pregnant!!! Well I don't know about we but Derek did help just a little. We found out I am pregnant again on June 8th and we are so excited I think we are BOTH glowing. In January of this year I lost my baby at 7 weeks and ever since we have been trying to become pregnant again. I keep using the term we..... it does take 2 though. This time we are keeping our fingers crossed and praying daily that everything goes right this time.

We are back

I stopped blogging for awhile because I really just don't know how to do this blogging thing, but I am going to give it a try again so please bare with me.